I really had a hell of a time finding a name for this blog. How do you explain the feelings you have for a life of BDSM? Considering I haven't been in the scene very long (less than six months to be completely honest) and I have a Sir that hasn't exactly been willing in a lot of areas just yet. Why? Because it's not the woman he married. At least, that's what he tells me.
When Sir and I first had our discussion about the feelings I had been having, it was a little uncomfortable. At that point he was merely Robbie to me. And in front of people who aren't comfortable with the scene, he is still Robbie. But let me assure you, there is a fine line between Robbie and Sir. He may still look the same but he most certainly does not love the same. Thank God for that. Sir and I have been married for seven years tomorrow and with two children running amongst us on a moment-to-moment basis, our sex life was more or less on the fizzle. I go to school full-time in the hopes of becoming a R.N. and Sir works nights at a local army base during the week and is a soldier in the army national guard. This definitely makes things a little harder on a couple for sexual satisfaction and I was beginning to feel the strain in more than one place. I began reading several erotic novels and handling business on my own. I found myself particularly turned on by BDSM erotica. Something about the crack of a whip and being rendered helpless while being attached to a spreader bar with cuffs just does it for me. Mental pictures are a must for me. If I can't have it, I need to be able to imagine it happening TO me and what I was imagining was G-O-O-D.
So naturally, the next time Sir and I came together for our vanilla, I was having a hard time finding my release. All I could think about was how I needed things to be a little rougher in quite a few aspects of our sex life. In the heat of the moment, all I wished for was the throes of violence from him. To pick me up, slam me against walls, slap me, spank me, and ride my ass like Zorro. But all I was getting was the same 'ol shit, different weekend and I made up my mind that it just wasn't enough. After that vanilla session, I made it a point the next morning to talk to him and I was scared to death about what he would think of me. Much to my pleasure, Sir was very open to listening. When I arrived to the submission portion of my discussion with him, he threw on the brakes. He was not willing to have a D/s relationship with me because he "wants the strong, independent woman I married" and "if I wanted that type of woman, I would have said so when we met". Well, here's my major thought after that discussion. When did wanting...wait, NEEDING a D/s relationship, make me less strong and more dependent??? If anything at all, knowing what I liked and wanted put me in control of my pleasure therefore exerting my strength and independence, right??
What he didn't understand at that particular point in our life together was that he was already dominate; MY dominate. I loved making him happy sexually. With every nip at my ear, bite to my neck, pressure for physical attention when I wasn't "up" for it, doggie-style position and smack on the ass during love-making. Every time he held my hands over my head to take me, tied me up to do what he pleased, and watched me give him head while controlling my movements, ALL dominate traits. The shock and amazement on his face was worth a thousand words. And thankfully, his arousal to the knowledge was capitalized on that night, as he dominated me in every way he normally does. We are currently working on the rest ;)
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